Friday, March 12, 2010

017.

as I close my eyes
the nightmares come crashing down
the essence of the spice of reality
the burn that is inflicted
the ache that is yearning for relief
have all become apparent parts of being
no longer does salt water supply the nuturing it once used to
no longer does spoken words have a meaning
rather its the unspoken thoughts that carry the suffering
lurking amongst my wretched soul
the longer the nightmare seems to play
the more I feel the familiar air of suffocation
and then I realize that this is no dream
the presence of something dark is surrounding me
not letting me free of its bond
anger consumes me as I fight
fight for what I know is a fairy tale come true
the more I fight, the more I struggle, the more I fiend
what is this thing?
what is this deceitfulness?
what is paralyzing my well being?
the constant state of love has hooked me with it’s branches
more like tossed me in its web
the offer that seduced me has now scarred me
and yet I beg for it
asking, pleading for more
why stop what numbs my pain?
is it cause it causes me to react in addict-like ways?
but I need it to go on, to survive
and yet, its being snatched away…

as I shake with withdrawal, I become sober
highly sensitive and vulnerable to my drug
in the dark, I hold out my hand because its there
I can feel its presence radiating with majestic life
and as I reach to touch, it disappears
leaving me in my despair

016.

i love you

As the breeze brushes against my skin
I feel the whisper of your soul tingle me
The essence of you devouring my very thoughts
The spirit of your warmth surrounding me

Although the winter gust seems bitter
The sun is cheerful and I ponder on sweet memories
Ones of untold stories and romantic hideaways
The ones where a smile wasn’t good enough to express the joy of the moment
Late night talks and early morning giggles
“Je t’aime baby.” I love you baby and a soft caress.
The thoughts ignite me and I can only stumble upon one thought.
“Vous etes mon soulmate” You are my soulmate. “Je veux passer la reste de ma vie avec vous.” I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

Unable to express this, I shout it in the wind.
Praying that my romance reaches you with the same intensity.
Hoping that the wind does my words justice.
Knowing that if my words reach you, you will see just how much we are destined.

Quickly I run inside and drum my fingers on the oak, waiting for a buzz.
Moments pass, I lose hope.
And then I see a butterfly, simple yet so very elegant and glorious, almost like you.
Lightly, the butterfly sits on my shoulder and whispers “I love you too.”

015.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

015.

A long awaited entry. I know I know. I've been M.I.A but my life has been everywhere from busy to hectic, all at the same time. I have been thinking all about my next entry though. I seriously want to write something. Get all of my built up emotion out. But my head is in a cloud. I have writer's block like a ... you know. I have been doing a lot of thinking. I do plan on getting my cookbook started and I am excited about it. I'm thinking about selling them to people I know and just letting it go by word of mouth. That's still in the works. On top of the cookbook, I want to get my website up and running. It's been so long since I have web designed and at this point, with everything going on, I really feel that a website is a good way to let people in and see what's going on. Besides my cookbook, I have been working my damn ass off. SMH. My job is keeping me from blogging. LOL. But I can say that I am finally starting to get back on my feet. And it feels good. Once I get myself together I need to focus on going back to school, *sighs. I don't even know what I want to major in anymore. I wish there was a guide or something instilled in me that told me "YES! That's what you need to do." But that's to be continued.

Besides my daily life, I am looking forward to the future. I am going to New York at the end of the month to visit my BabyCakes and I'm so excited. So very excited. I'll get to be with my life & my best friend. The best moments of my life. :)

I promise I will blog soon. I'm trying to keep you updated on my crazy, IMPERIOUS life.
imperious